


a collection of angst

by BooyahFordhamYacht



Category: Criminal Minds, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Law & Order: SVU, Merlin (TV), Sherlock (TV), etc - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, I'll do pretty much any ship I know, JJ Dies, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, So much angst, all of your favorite otps, everyone dies, except never happy, gay or straight, get your fix of extreme otp angst, leave requests in the comments, this is honestly so sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-09 18:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8906857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooyahFordhamYacht/pseuds/BooyahFordhamYacht
Summary: So basically this is a multifandom work with a million different ships, except I always make it wicked angsty. Some MIGHT have happy endings, but no promises. Come for the ships, stay for the angstiest trash I've ever written. Request ships!!! Just say character x character and show/book/movie/etc. Example: Spencer Reid x Aaron Hotchner, Criminal Minds. If I know the show, I'll write the ship!





	1. wake up alone - jj x hotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch loses JJ. Slight Reid x Morgan hints, blink and you'll miss it.

**Ok, here's the first chapter. It's a Criminal Minds JJ x Hotch AU, basically post-200 except JJ dies. Established JJ x Hotch, and the other AU things are pretty apparent. Enjoy. Also, IMPORTANT THING! Some of the chapters will be based off of quotes/lyrics/songs/etc, and if they are, that'll be in italics at the beginning of the chapter.**

It’s cold. That’s the first Hotch notices as his eyes flicker open. Cold because there’s no small body pressed tight against his, no soft blonde hair tickling his nose. He reaches out for JJ. She’s not there. Suddenly it all comes rushing back. Her never coming home that night, the desperate search for her, not getting there in time, and now being left with nothing more than an empty spot beside him and the idea that she would never come home again. 

 

Henry and Jack were staying with Spencer and Morgan for a couple days, but he can hardly think about that. All Hotch could think about was the fact that JJ, his sweet beloved JJ, was gone. Gone away where he could never get her back. 

 

Hotch stays in bed a while, just thinking. Thinking about JJ. The way her hair smelled, the blue of her eyes, the way she smiled at him when he kissed her nose to wake her up in the morning. 

 

Suddenly, all of the memories washed over him in a rush.

 

_ JJ, staring at him from across the jet table and laughing. “Not everyone wants to be a profiler.” _

 

_ JJ, walking out of his office, and Rossi making some stupid comment about how they “didn’t have that back in his day” and Hotch feeling so protective. _

 

_ JJ, finally opening up to him about her sister and that case that had been all too familiar.  _

 

_ JJ, holding him as he cried when Haley, whom he hadn’t loved for a long time but was still the mother of his child, was killed because of him. _

 

_ JJ, breaking down over a tough case and finally allowing Hotch to see her cry. _

 

_ JJ, doing whatever it took to protect their children. _

 

_ JJ, crying tears of joy the first time Jack called her “Mom”. _

 

_ JJ, kissing him and saying she loved him as she walked out the door to meet with Garcia, the last time he ever saw her alive. _

  
_ JJ, cold and unresponsive, as he held her and sobbed. _


	2. when i fall asleep - sherlock x john

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John loses Sherlock. Inspiration is Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men(I'll see you when I fall asleep).
> 
> TW: (IMPLIED) SUICIDE

_ I’ll see you when I fall asleep _

 

He did. John saw Sherlock every single time he closed his eyes. At first, it was torture, a constant reminder that he had failed to save him. Failed to get to him. But then again, Sherlock had died to save John. That was what Mycroft had told him, that this was what Sherlock wanted,  John to be alive. That didn’t make much sense to the blogger.  _ Sherlock’s  _ blogger. He knew Sherlock better than anyone, and the mere idea that Sherlock would want John to be so alone made absolutely no sense to him. However, as the weeks wore on and Sherlock never came back this time, seeing the curly haired genius behind his eyelids became a paradise. 

 

It was the only time John could feel Sherlock’s touch. Or at least, imagine it so vividly that it felt real. He always pictured Sherlock, no matter where he went, but this was the only time that it really felt like it was really happening. 

 

John would have done anything to get Sherlock back. But he’d already gotten his  _ One Last Miracle _ . 

 

And so John slept as much as he possibly could. In his dreams, Sherlock was alive, and they were happy. They had the perfect domestic life. Sherlock and John both went to work in the morning, came home at the same time together each night. Adopted a cat. They were happy. 

 

In John’s dreams, everything felt so real, from the way Sherlock’s voice sounded as it graced his ears to the way the corners of Sherlock’s eyes crinkled when John was lucky enough to witness his incredible smile. 

 

In John’s dreams, nothing would ever take Sherlock from him. He’d never have to experience the heart-wrenching pain of watching Sherlock bleed out from gunshots. Never have to watch the light fade from the eyes of the man he loved most just as the ambulance lights flashed in the distance, too late. 

 

In John’s dreams, Sherlock was always there.

 

And then John’s eyes would open and he was as he had been for months now. Alone. 

 

John slept in Sherlock’s bed most nights. It still smelled like him, even months after the last time Sherlock had been in it. It made the dreams more vivid, especially the ones of the two of them in bed. Most of the time it was perfectly PG, just the two of them cuddling, John’s head tucked under Sherlock’s chin, and the smell of Sherlock all he could sense. 

 

That was the safest he felt anymore, when he was asleep. When he was with Sherlock. That was the only time he was happy. The only time he was truly at peace.

 

And so here John was, fiddling with the trigger on his loaded handgun, without a doubt in his mind about what he had to do. 

  
He brought the gun up to his temple.  _ BANG!  _

 

Finally, John could sleep forever and never be without Sherlock.


	3. dearest natasha - natasha x clint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fic based off of the song Dearest Natasha, which you can find on YouTube. Basically, Natasha is mortally wounded and Clint visits her in the hospital.

_Dearest Natasha,_

_Open your eyes,_

_Give me a chance to say I love you and goodbye_

 

"Baby, please wake up," Clint whispered desperately gripping the hand of his girlfriend, partner, and the love of his life, Natasha. "Nat, I need you here. We all do. But me most of all. I need you here because I need someone who will at least split the last piece of pizza with me and someone who knows about my past but who loves me anyway. I need someone like you, okay, Tash?" He squeezes her hand, her unmoving hand flopped limp on the hospital bed.

 

"I need you and I love you. Do you remember that time we danced in the rain? That was the first time you really told me you loved me. I'd always known it, and so did you, but you could never say it. I get it, Natasha, I've loved you from that first night in Budapest, almost fifteen years ago, but I didn't tell you for four whole years. Four whole years, you were my everything and I couldn't tell you." Clint holds back a sob.

 

"You pushed me out of the way yesterday and now here we are, with you in a coma." Clint says. "I'll be back tomorrow,"

"I love you Nat," he says, and then he stands up and leaves.

 

_Life is a battle,_

_Hope to survive,_

_I almost died on the field_

_It was you on my mind_

 

"I still can't believe you jumped in front of that bullet, Nat. I can't believe you chose to be in a coma to save my life rather than learn to live without me. It's been two months since that day and I still find myself wishing I'd had enough time to save you too, but I just froze. This is my fault." Clint cries.

 

"God, I love you. I love everything about you, always and forever. I promise you, Nat."

"I love you Nat," he says, and then he stands up and leaves.

 

_Dearest Natasha,_

_Autumn's arrived_

_Just let me hold your hand tonight_

 

"Hey, Nat, it's me again, Clint. I know I'm the only one who still comes and visits everyday but I don't want you to forget my name for when you wake up. Tony and Pepper had a baby, Natasha. A beautiful little girl, and they named her after you. Her name is Natasha Rose Stark, and I almost see you in her some of the time. She's so, so perfect, baby. I still love you." Clint says, holding the hand of the woman he loved so dearly.

 

"It's been a year since you saved my life, and still I regret not being able to save yours," Clint whispers. "I met a girl last night when I went out drinking with Tony an Bruce, she was really nice, but all I saw was you. The way you laugh, the way you smile, the way you would beat my ass if I ever tried to prank you. You. You're still what I need, even a year since I last kissed you. Even a year since you last smiled, since your last laugh and the last time you punched me in the face, actually the morning of that day I lost you. I love you Nat, I don't think I'll ever move on, if it comes to that," Clint says.

 

"I love you Nat," he says, and then he stands up and leaves.

 

_The truth is what's hurting_

_You're not coming back_

_Are you trying_

_To kill me with silence?_

 

"Hey, Nat. The doctors say you don't have long now, but don't be afraid. I'll be here until that monitor flatlines, until I know you don't need me anymore. Don't be afraid please, but if you can, fight. Fight with whatever it is you have left, and don't be ashamed if you don't win. You were always better than me, and I think you still are, even after a year and a half of you lying in a hospital." Clint begins to cry as the monitor starts slowing.

 

"I need you, always, and even when you're gone and don't need me anymore I will still need you, still love you. I'll always love you, no matter what," Clint cries harder as the monitor nearly stops.

 

"Natasha Romanoff, I love you so much. You're my forever, my partner, my best friend, my everything. I need you here. Please, Nat. Please," Clint begs. But still, the monitor eventually comes to a stop. He stays there for a few moments more, sobbing, listening to the sound of nothing. She didn't wake up. She didn't win her fight.

 

"I love you Nat," he says, and then stands up and leaves, but this time, he's not coming back.


	4. too late - jj x hotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coffee-shop au in which JJ and Hotch are both in college(he's a senior and she's a sophomore) and they've broken up, and she's been hiding from him since then, but they are pushed back together when he gets a job at the nearby coffee shop that she frequents.

**coffee shop au. read the description for background!**

 

JJ and her best friend, Emily, walked into the coffee shop to write their term papers and meet up with Emily's boyfriend, the oh-so-great football player Derek Morgan, if he got out of class before they left. JJ was talking to Emily, so she didn't notice the tall, dark haired boy behind the counter. When they reached the counter, JJ looked up to order a latte and froze. They stared at each other for what felt like seconds but according to Emily was more like three minutes. 

 

The boy across the counter was first to speak. "JJ," he murmured. Her name alone is enough to tug her from the trance she was in, and she immediately turns to run right back out the door she'd come in through. 

 

Normally, she'd be much faster than he is - he's a hockey player, she's a soccer player, she won every time they raced - but seeing him is disorienting and he jumps the counter and zips past Emily to catch JJ's wrist just as she steps over the threshold. 

 

"JJ."

 

"Hotch, let me go." The small blonde's voice is packed with venom but when she turns around, her large blue eyes are filled with tears, and Hotch's heart cracks just a little.

 

"JJ, please, just hear me out. I am so sorry. I never should have left. JJ, I miss yo-" He was cut off when JJ shoved him back, forcing him to let go of her wrist. 

 

"No, Hotch! I don't want to hear your apologies. I don't want to hear that you're sorry. You lost your chance.  _You_ left! You chose to get up and walk away, because we weren't enough. Because  _I_ wasn't enough for you.  _You_ left, and you broke me. I put myself back together, I fixed what _you_ broke." Tears roll down JJ's face and she wipes them away angrily. 

 

She takes a deep, shaky breath and continues. With the next words she speaks, Hotch's heart breaks completely. "So no, Hotch. I don't want to hear how sorry you are, or how you want me back, or how you miss. Because I don't care. The only person that will help is you. All that will do is make  _you_ feel better. And quite simply, I don't care if you feel better. It's too late. You walked out last time, and this is me, walking out now. Goodbye Aaron."

 

JJ turns around and walks away, tears streaming down her face. But she didn't look back. It was too late. She never looked back. 


End file.
